On the Passing of Our Son

To my friends and family, it is with much regret that we report that our son Robert Jr. has been called home to his maker. Bob was our first child and our first attempt at perfecting the parenting skills we inherited from our parents. No one can doubt what extreme pain and sorrow is experienced by a parent at such a loss. Yet, we are people of faith.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” It is in these words that those of us of faith find our consolation. St. Bernard of Clairvaux in a sermon on the Song of Songs expresses his convictions and his hopes on the death of his brother and fellow monk, Gerard. His sentiments echo mine and I am sure those of many of our friends and family as well.

I paraphrase and adapt his thoughts: Bob possessed a body that is both frail and burdensome and, freed from the body, he may fly to the embraces of Christ. Why has he been torn from us? We loved each other in life how can it be that death separates us? What a harvest of joys, what a profusion of blessing is yours Bob. You have the abiding presence of Christ. All that smacks of weakness you have cast away but not what pertains to love. And since love never comes to an end, you will not forget us forever. One can scarcely speak of him as dead! Was he not rather transplanted into life? By his death it is we who died not he, he has but gone to sleep in the Lord.

I have no wish to repudiate the decrees of God… Shall I find fault with his judgment because I wince from the pain? It is but human and necessary that we respond to our friends with feeling: that we be happy in their company, disappointed in their absence.… The reluctance to part and the yearning for each other when separated, indicate how meaningful their mutual love must be when they are together. We grieve for you Bob not for the sake of grieving, but because you have been separated from us… We experience the sufferings that are shared equally by lovers when compelled to remain apart.

… our weeping is not a sign of a lack of faith, it indicates the human condition. You hear the heavy note of sorrow in my words…. My song, O Lord, shall be of mercy and judgment. Let that mercy poured out by you on your servant Bob sing to you… I praise your goodness to him. You are righteous indeed, O Lord… You gave us Bob, you took him away and if his removal makes me sad I do not forget that he was given to us and offer thanks for our good fortune in having had him… What more shall I say? You entrusted Bob to us, you have claimed him back; you have but taken what was yours. Our tears prevent speaking further; impose a limit on them O Lord, bring them to an end.