How Many Times Do I Have to Say I Love You

When I first read Thomas a Kempis about 15 years ago I was much more affected by him that I was on this second experience of reading the Imitation of Christ. The intense devotion of Thomas was especially appealing to me. I was in that first phase of my conversion, my metanoia that was brought on by aaa reawakened awareness of my faith. The extreme devotion exhibited on the pages of this book was something that I felt I wanted. Not because I felt I was so holy, but because it was a quality I admired. However, I'm a much too worldly person to even come close to the kind of devotion that Thomas had. On that first reading though, the language in the Imitation lifted my thoughts and elevated my level of worship. I felt that he put me in that right relationship between created being and his creator.


Another notion that I liked is that one should have a lowly opinion of oneself. At least it was appealing to me at the time. I strove most of my life to be like everybody else, to be liked by everyone, even to be admired by everyone. I was always very conscious of what others thought of me. In order to reach those goals though, one has to learn to have a high opinion of oneself. I can hardly expect others to like me if I don't like myself. But Thomas consistently warns us that we must not think well of ourselves, and not build ourselves up. This attitude is necessary in order to exhibit the appropriate degree of humility. In recognizing the enormous distance between me and God, freedom can be obtained; freedom from concern about what others might think of me. The important relationship between me and Christ is foremost and all others are considerably less important.

This time around however when reading the Imitation I detected an element of tedium. The writing is repetitive, presenting the same ideas with just some slight changes in wording. At times I got impatient, mentally goading Thomas to speed things up, to move on to the next idea. I don't know where this impatience came from. But on further thought I believe the problem might lie in the fact that The Imitation was not meant to be read like a novel or an informational work of nonfiction. It is essentially a prayer book. It is a book to take a bite out of, slowly chew each morsel, digest each byte spiritually, before helping oneself to another serving.