The Ecstacy of Love

Philosopher John Haldane writes a provocative article in this month's First Things, entitled "Against Erotic Entitlements." In it he describes a commonly held syllogism:

Major premise: Sexual attraction and love are determinants of human happiness and should be consummated where sincerely felt.
Minor premise: You cannot choose with whom you fall in love.
Conclusion: Whether or not they are chosen, attraction and love should be consummated where sincerely felt.

Haldane points out that the argument is a common rationalization for the sexual license flooding the world today, including by some who argue for recognition of gay marriage. But he also cautions that it is "ridiculous and callous" to "call gays . . . to a standard of chastity that has long since been generally abandoned."

Haldane asserts that the ideology of "choice" enshrined in the quoted syllogism leads to a "marketplace of sentimental and erotic entitlement" which sells marriage, the true foundation of family and society, short. Rather than building on a logic of rights, which leads to more and more outlandish demands for recognition [he mentions movements for recognizing polyamory and even incest], society should be built upon the "common good." This view sees society as fundamentally based on family which is, in nature, built on heterosexual unions.

Marriage recognizes, celebrates, and protects this basic source of human society. It is not a commodity to be bought or an entitlement to be claimed, and its meaning and value were understood long before the idea of rights was ever conceived of, and the escalatory contest over them ever begun.

Haldane concludes, "The best case against same-sex marriage is a positive argument: for marriage as the cultural formation of a natural union, one that needs to be protected from the twin distortions of shallow sentimentalism and animal lust. This is an argument from natural law and so connects to the significant documents of both American and Scottish law."

This "argument against sentiment and lust" is at the core of Benedict XVI's Encyclical Deus Caritas Est, in which, in Christianity, erotic love is "redeemed" by agape love. Benedict writes (at par. 6):

Love is indeed "ecstasy", not in the sense of a moment of intoxication, but rather as a journey, an ongoing exodus out of the closed inward-looking self towards its liberation through self-giving, and thus towards authentic self-discovery and indeed the discovery of God.

Benedict ties this idea to Christ's life: whoever seeks to gain his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will preserve it. (Luke 17:33). We are called to purify our possessive love to move love's search to "a real discovery of the other, moving beyond the selfish character that prevailed earlier. Love now becomes concern and care for the other. No longer is it self-seeking, a sinking in the intoxication of happiness: instead it seeks the good of the beloved: it becomes renunciation and it is ready, and even willing, for sacrifice."

So, any placing of burdens on same-sex oriented persons must involve placing the same burdens on myself: namely, to turn sentimental, passionate, lustful love to a real love of the other, a love that requires sacrifice of my own selfish desire to possess or "get my way" and focuses on the good of the other. The blessings of such a union are true knowledge and joy of those I love (with God at the pinnacle), a healthy family, and a society strengthened through that love. This is the "common good" that beckons my love, and all of our loves.

Listen to Tina Arena sing "I want to know what love is"

Listen to Jose Mari Chan, "A Love to Last a Lifetime"

Listen to Jose Mari Chan, "Deep Within My Heart"