Love's Joy

Valentine's Day prompts reflections on the meaning of love against a background of the recent controversy over our government's effort to promote free birth control for all women, and the Catholic Church's negative reaction.

Here is a letter to the editor of this week's Commonweal (Feb. 24, 2012):

I have my own story relating to birth control in the 1950s and ’60s. I married in ’52 at the age of twenty-one. My first child was born in December ’53, the second in January ’55 (thirteen months later), the third in October ’56 and the fourth in April ’60. Yes, we practiced the rhythm method, but no one would believe me when I said I thought I ovulated twice a month. One obstetrician insisted I’d been so careful that if I was pregnant, it must be a miracle! Well, I was and it was not.

When the fourth child was around three years old, I went to confession at my local parish and struck gold. The priest listened carefully to my story: I was risking divorce if I had another child; my husband didn’t even dare look at me, I got pregnant so easily. Then there were the fights, the money worries, etc. At the end of my litany, this kind, intelligent man said to me: “It’s a matter between you and God alone, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” I thanked him profusely, called my close friend who was in a similar situation, and together we headed to our doctors for the Pill.

But a lot of damage had been done and, even though our marriage survived till my husband’s death last April, it was never what it might have been if the church had not interfered with the sexual aspect of our lives.

I thought of my own mother, Roberta, and her 11 children. I would have made it through the gauntlet laid down by the letter writer, but not some of my younger siblings. Luckily, unlike the letter writer, my mom didn't use the occasion of the availability of "the pill" in the early sixties to jump on the bandwagon touting liberation from moms' slavery to having children. As a result, I have several siblings I wouldn't want to live without: Becky, Kenny and Gordon.

I have my mom's (and dad's) love to thank for that, which I know also crucially includes her faith that God would not, as she puts it, "give me anything I couldn't handle." The results are in for both families, the letter writer's and my own, and I for one am going to pin my hopes on my mom's constant and faith-filled love. I'm certainly happier for it in my brothers and sisters! And I also thank the Church for teaching this truth, though so many "liberated" men and women, like the letter writer, and now our own government, are deadly certain it's unacceptable "interference" in a woman's "choice." Yes, I do agree it is all about choice.

I also humor myself in believing that St. Valentine would probably agree with me. Happy holiday, all true lovers!

Listen to Fritz Kreisler's "Love's Joy"

Listen to Joe Cocker, "You Are So Beautiful"

Listen to Louis Armstrong, "What a Wonderful World"